One day I won’t drink my coffee alone 

One day I won’t drink my coffee alone anymore. This is one thing I really miss,to have someone I can drink coffee/tea with and just chat a early/late morning. Someone who ask you have your day was,those little things are stuff I miss at most by living alone. 

I’m not home so often when I have free time or a long weekend.I go to parents house just to be able to eat breakfast with my whole family and not alone. I like to be in my best friends apartment and sleep over even if I’m a early morning person I wait to he wake up before I drink my coffee,just so small stuff can make my entire day so much better. I appreciate the small things in life more and more. A little morning text or a text can change your day a lot.

I think almost everyone in life forget those little things in life. We should enjoy them and appreciate them even more. Just a smile and a hello can change the day for your coworker or that little text you send in the morning to just ask something/tell something funny means: I think about you.

So to all you girls and boys who are drinking your coffee or tea alone in the morning,we are alone together so technically we are not alone, if you think of it like that. Don’t misunderstand me I love to live alone it’s awesome but sometimes it would be amazing to be able to choose if you want to be alone or not in the morning.

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Christmas is just around the corner

Christmas is just around the corner. i have already starting my shopping on Christmas gifts early as always. Every year I start in October to buy the gifts and planing everything. Why? I HATE the stress around Christmas! Every year the same thing when you look around,people in panic in the malls to buy the perfect gifts, get the most popular stuff and so on. For me that´s not Christmas at all,that´s just a pain in the ass.

I love to wrap up the presents in a lovely more like a disney way. Bake saffronbuns and christmas candy. The trick to get the real Christmas feeling and no stress with the gifts and so are to plan as early as possible ❤

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Gingerbread = I often start in the end of November.

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Wrap up the Christmas presents in the beginning of December.

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The amazing brain of mine

No point of return.Today it did actually hit me it’s only 13 days left for my tests for the Swedish army. That I’m in the best shape of my life but still I’m not satisfied yet.

And look! Had forgot this lovely cups in glas,the have been here all the time and for years eeheee pretty embarrassing that I sometimes can forget stuff like these once….

Back stab me and karma will take care of you

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When people talk shit about you , you know that you are far ahead . Talking about someone without concrete facts with out knowing the story behind and then think the know a person’s privacy and moreover start talking crap to the former boyfriend who is so stupid that he believes what this person/persons are telling him. The result was that I feel bad because I do not have the ability to contact him to get my stuff ithat are lleft including my dressing table . I ´m blocked everywhere. I ´m hurt, dejected and just feel that I can not take this any more .

When people do this to other people I can only feel sadness. The have a really boring life and obvious have a crush on my former boyfriend. But the fact is that I`M THE ONE WHO GET HURT because of this person/persons. And honestly I don´t know why this is necessary and when the truth arrive like a bomb the did lose it all and yes karma will kick some butts!

I´m gonna put my hair up in a bun, wing my eyeliner and drink my coffee. And after that i will handle this crap and laugh about the miserable life they are living and continuing my life happy and joyful and watch karma do the job.

It kills you in the end

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The best diet is easy as hell and you will not be able to sleep or eat. Just get your fucking heart broken by someone you just belived a future with. I haven´´t eat for weeks accept drinking youghurt and one smoothie. Will cry and then you don´t have anymore tears and you can still not sleep.

So every one of you who have been reading my blog for the past years knew that I have a eating disorder and I have been on the right track back to be helathy. But then again my heart broke by that one person.

Yes I´m sad like really sad. And yes it´s okey to be sad! AS long as you feel SAD. No i´m not a teen who breakup with my first boyfriend I´m an adult who belived in a future with this person and yes he is the love of my life, and nothing can change that.

For the moment I just want to sleep like really sleep and I won´t give up my hope but how sad I´m and in this hurt i feel like I´m dead and I need to put my shit togheter but nope i can´t do it right now. I haven´t sleep for months last month i could sleeo 4 hours straight but now it´s 20 minits or 1 hour after beeing up for 45 hours.

So YES this is the BEST DIET if you want to lose some fat, get your heart broken and don´t sleep and yes it will kill you slowely .

 

One of my favorite photos

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This picture is taken for a year ago and reminds me of one of the best times in my life. tThe picture is taken a week I will always look back on in my memory . A week that I do not want to forget . I had  fun that week and I felt good , really good. There was much laughter , much joy and much love .

But unfortunately , life can take quick turns and take it away from you, the best things you have . But it can never take away your memories. Neither your feelings. For me , this simple picture make me calm and I feel joy.

One day what I feel when I see the picture and those memories should be in the same place again become my reality again . One day , and until then I’ll keep fighting and keep hoping to win back the best in life again .

 

Back but not in black

Well for the last 14 days I have tried to dress up in color! It´s hard because I always dress in black and 99% of my wardrobe are black. Black is my favorite color and It´s hard to try lighter colors like grey,with,navy blue and army green and of course white, but white is a okey color, I almost like it. So for my now its t try to dress my self in lighter and colors. And yes it can be boring with black all the time, but I feel more comfortably in black so this will be a project for me this spring/summer…..

 

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But my hair will turn even lighter and I think this is something like a new chapter thing in my life, this year have so far been a hell for me and why not change my hair color and my wardrobe to make it a little bit of fun. I have my 2 best girl friends ever Sandra and Connie who have been pushing my forward and make my life a little more sparkling and pink and glamorous

So on my list for must do this!!!!

  • New hair color
  • New wardrobe
  • Get tanned
  • Get even more fit
  • Try to smile more
  • Buy a new liquid lipstick from Kate von D.
  • A new tatto

#Beyourself #makeyourdreamreal

 #Beyourself

I will and have always been me. Nothing can change that. But the sad thing is that I see younger girls around me who are some one they are not,why? For me it´s sad to see and I have always be figthing for who I´m and I will not change beacuse the socity want me to be more like every one else. I´m ME and thats way I´m amazing and thats why YOU ARE AMAZING! Be yourself beacuse no one else can be you. If you want to have that sparkling pink skirt when every one else have grey? Have your sparkling pink skirt! I dont care if people like me or not. If they dont thats not my problem at all. Don´t care about what people say all the time. Break free, Be you!

#MakeYourDreamReal

I´m a dreamer. I love to dream about stuff. but very often my dreams becomme my goals in life.Make your dreams in to plans! Do you want to be a rockstar? Make a plan to it! Do you want to be a makeup artist? Go back to school. You can be antything you want if you belive in yourself and really have a plan. I have always walking my own way. If some one have told me you can´t do it, it will never work and so on I have just been thinking ”fuck this I will make it”. Nothing can stop me, give me 500 No and I will scream I MADE IT after try 501. Never let any one or anything stop you to becomme the rockstar in you own life. In my life I`M the rockstar who control everything I can control. Guess what!?  I´m much more happy than ever. The sky has no limits and not my dreams or plans have limits. I will walk my own way to the end of time and you should do the same.

Thinking about stuff

At the moment i don´t know whats up or down right now. And I don´t think the seson know if it´s autumn or spring. The last days it´s have been like a grey november and a rainy one to! My mood is in the same grey as outside my window. I have problem to understand that I´m lonely,I don´t have some one home.And when I get home I don´t have some one who is playing music or a game on the computer. I´don´t have some one to talk to or hug when I get home. My home feels like a shoebox and it´s not my home! It´s my stuff and my table but when I walk in it´s not feels like my home. So to ignore I have been sleeping on the couch home and at my best friend/my parent and have not been home for many night since that day I don´t want to remember. For the last three rainy and grey days I have been in the apartment that is my so called home, and guys it´s like a hell. I don´t want to be there!

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But to day I will try for the first time in weeks take all the boxes with stuff and put them into a place. After that I will put my hair up in pincurls. Tomorrow I want to have nice curls or if it´s stil rainy and grey a nice hairdo and a hat on my head! In the middle of this depresed me I can´t look like a hobo or a borring person that just get heart broken….So it´s better to look like a moviestar from old hollywood or like a doll.

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Even if he will find a new and share his life with her I know one thing. I made a tatto in his mind and heart. I will always have a place that he can´t ignore or remove. He will keep looking for some parts of me in the other one but he won´t find the pices. Beacuse I´m who I´m and nothing can change it and of course I´m once in a life time women. I will always love him even if I want to hate him I can´t. I can´t beacuse I love him and only wish him good things. Right know I don´t want him to flirt or look at other girls but mayby after a year i can wish him luck to find some one but for now hell no.

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But for know I will pretend that I´m all okay and the best revenge is to look good! 😉